Sean C. Capparuccia
May 16, 2025
Why I Honked at You: Confessions from a Perfect Driver
I drive a lot. Lara and I work about 45 minutes from home. Several of our grandkids live about an hour away, and we see them at least once a week if not twice. Then we have music gigs pretty regularly that are usually an hour to two hours away from our home. Yes, we are on the road quite a bit. And I confess from the outset that it is difficult – and sometimes lonely – being the only one on the road who knows how to drive.
It seems to me, as I’m driving, that most people have resigned themselves to being second- or third-rate drivers. But this doesn’t have to be. They – you! – can improve with a little thought, a bit more situational awareness, a more conscientious eye to driving. And so, I have put together a few thoughts to help the reader, who will no longer be content as a less than perfect driver, be a first-rate road warrior.
Let me say, driving is an art. It is not just a matter of getting from one place to another as quickly (or as slowly) as one can. Driving is not just about safety, although that is a worthy concern. No, good driving is about the art of invisibility. Invisibility? What does that mean? Allow me to give an example from our years in church work. Working in church is a blessing; being able to make a living working for the Lord and for His worship is truly a humbling occupation. Truly. Humbling. But working in a church is not always easy. The Lord Himself is gracious; His people are not always so much. When our children were small and we spent hours and hours at church working and schooling, etc., we learned quickly that there was always a small – yet somehow very vocal – group of people who, though they loved children and young families in their church, they didn’t ever want to know that they were actually there using the church. Any little mess was equivalent to a tornado; any used paper plates were equivalent to grand theft; any cooking (because work time was often near dinnertime) was equivalent to doubling the electric bill. And I hope not every church is like that, because they shouldn’t be. Anyway, we learned early on to be invisible. No mess; no crumbs; no trash in the trashcans; no lint on the carpet; no trace that we were even there. I, for one, may have gotten a bit neurotic about it, but I felt it was the only way. Invisibility.
Back to driving… good driving is driving like you are invisible. No one else knows you are on the road, and that is the art. How do you do that?
1. We will start from your driveway. When you pull out of your driveway, pick a time to pull out that will allow anyone else on the road to keep driving at their current speed. No one has to slow down because you pulled out and certainly no one has to slam their brakes. God forbid! This is also true for whenever you pull out onto the road from anywhere. You need to gauge the traffic’s speed and pull out accordingly, deciding whether you will need to accelerate quickly or not. Be inconspicuous. There is only one exception to this rule: when you know you’re in a 35 mph zone and you can tell the oncoming car is going 45 or more, you can pull out – if it’s safe enough – just to make him/her[i] slow down because they shouldn’t be going that fast anyway. You are sacrificing your invisibility for the public good, and that’s okay.
2. Braking. This is a matter of situational awareness. Know where your turn is so you can brake swiftly enough to make your turn without either stopping traffic (a slow braking) or cause a traffic jam (a too-fast brake.) This one takes practice. I tend to brake fast enough to put about 2 Gs on my seatbelt. If you don’t feel yourself leaning into your seatbelt, you are braking too slowly; if your seatbelt catches, you are braking too fast.
3. Turning lanes. I’m pretty sure new drivers are not taught what turning lanes are anymore, so let me explain this to those people. Turning lanes are those middle lanes in between the other two or more lanes in which people drive. For example, you’ve got two lanes on your side and two lanes of oncoming traffic and a lane in between where people do not drive. What’s that lane for, you wonder? It’s for turning, AND, even though it’s mostly illegal, for entering traffic. Here’s how it works: when you are driving down the road and need to make your left turn, you put your blinker on and get into the turning lane and then slow down. Notice I said, “and then slow down.” That is, if there is ample room in the turning lane, as in, no one else is in it, then get into it before you hit your brakes. So, it’s actually a kind of slowing down and turning lane. This way, the people behind you don’t have to hit their brakes while you are deciding when to get into the turning lane. Again, know where your turn is. Bringing traffic to a halt while you decide to get into the turning lane blows your invisibility.
3. The “Zipper.” One of greatest pet peeves is driving on the freeway and traffic comes to a halt and then, after crawling along for a mile and a half traffic picks back up and I’m wondering why we all slowed down. There are no emergency vehicles; no dead bodies; no crashed cars; no trace of why traffic should have gone from 70(75) to 20 – except that it usually happens near particular exits at rush hour. People are trying to get on to the freeway and are congesting the right lane, which causes the next lane to slow down because people then want to move over to avoid being hit by merging traffic which then slows the left (fast) lane as cars don’t want to slow down for middle lane mergers. No one wants to slow down so the Cosmic Traffic Angel swoops down and says, “Ok, then everyone will slow down.” Friends, this can all be avoided, every bit of it if we all followed one simple rule: I call it “The Zipper.” You know that an entrance ramp is coming up and that traffic will be entering the right lane. You also know that they will have accelerated down that ramp to try to get at least near freeway speed. You also know that they aren’t going to abort the mission and come to a stop when their merge lane runs out; no, they will move over and force you to move or to slam your brakes. I fear most people slam their brakes, which is the cause of the big slow-down. If you are in the right lane, all you have to do is simply adjust your speed so that there are about 60-100 yards between you and the car in front of you. Like a zipper, merging cars fit right into the gaps courteously left by the right-lane cars, who, by the way, aren’t in a rush anyway or else they would be in the left lanes. If everyone did this simple thing, no cars would have to slow down too much. There would be room for merging cars to get in and plenty of time and space for other cars to move left if they wanted to. Do not slam brakes! This renders you not only visible, but culpable of slowing down hundreds, if not thousands, of drivers who were otherwise minding their own business and enjoying the art of driving.
4. Speed limits. Generally speaking, and I have heard this from cops themselves, “9 is fine, 10 you’re mine.” Now, this isn’t a hard and fast rule, and I accept no responsibility for what some zealous trooper may do, but I’ve never seen anyone pulled over for going 5 or 6 over. Most cops go about 15 over because they know they can. Just yesterday I had to pass a cop because he was hovering at 4 over and it was really annoying me. Of course, he was a deputy, and deputies usually don’t bother with traffic issues. Also, when a state or municipality is getting low on funds, they may increase their quotas to generate more revenue but still, 5 over is a pretty safe bet. This is all to say, if 5 over is an acceptable norm, then 5 under is an ignominy. If you drive 5 under, not only are you not invisible, but you are also driving down the road with a big sign on top of your car that says, “Punch me at the next stoplight.” There is nothing worse – nothing worse – than driving behind someone going 50 in a 55. Except when the speed limit drops to 35 and they go 30 or even 28 (just to be safe or something.) I’m not a violent man, but this does elicit some close-to-violent thoughts. Be safe, but don’t be slow. This is especially true on two-lane roads. Think of it this way: if you look in your rearview mirror and see more than three cars lined up behind you but no cars in front of you for a quarter of a mile, you are going too slow. Unless you are a conductor, you don’t need a train of cars behind you cursing your bad driving. Slow drivers are not invisible.
Conversely, don’t be that guy who rides up on everyone’s tail (on a 2-lane) somehow thinking they will politely move into the ditch to let you pass. Bide your time until you can safely pass said slow driver; use this as a moment to pray for that person and whatever trials in their life they may be going through. If it’s a 4-lane road, and they are driving in the left lane, albeit slowly, give them a moment to move over. If they are oblivious (aka, bad drivers) then pass them on the right. Good drivers shouldn’t have to pass on the right, but needs must. Your goal is to drive invisibly, which to them you obviously are, not to be an all-too-visible jerk.
5. Passing. This was going to be an addendum to No. 4 above, but I decided to give it its own point in order to make a better point on this point. And this primarily deals with 2-lane roads. When a vehicle passes another vehicle, at least two vehicles are involved in this operation, and possibly many more. The Passer, who has his/her own reasons for making the pass, is taking a chance. They are making a decision to cross a line in the middle of the road and venture into the lane reserved for oncoming traffic. This is, of course, fraught with peril. Therefore, the Passee, when being passed, has a decision to make. Will they humbly accept the fact that they are being passed or will they become suddenly indignant towards the Passer and decide to make it as difficult for them as possible? What should be a lovely exchange of neighborly support can quickly become an outright obstruction of goodwill that can very well lead to fatalities. I have been, more than once, trailing behind the under-5 driver patiently waiting for my chance to pass when, as I execute the maneuver, the Passee suddenly finds their gas pedal and decides to switch to a 5-over driver. Explain that, please. A driver, who has been perfectly content driving at or under the speed limit, upon seeing me next to them in a lane of oncoming traffic, determines that they are no longer content driving at or under the speed limit. Now they want to speed a little; have a little race that will win you absolutely nothing. I can think of only two reasons why people do this: one, they have a deep-seated inferiority complex that, at the very moment of being passed, dredges up years of pain and hurt of being called names that all come to a head and they say, “No more! No more will I be cast aside and belittled. I’m going to stand up for myself and not be pushed around. You shall not paaaaasssss!” The other reason is due to a deep-seated superiority complex that, at that very moment of being passed, makes them say, “I’m the best driver here; I’m the leader; I’m setting the speed limit; I decide what is safe and best for everyone else. You shall not paaaaassss!”
Look, whatever your deep-seated psychological issues are, behind the wheel is not the place to manifest them. You are being passed. For whatever reason, you are being passed. It doesn’t matter what the reason is. The Passer thinks you are too slow – so what? The Passer has a wife in the passenger seat who is going into labor – so what? The Passer is late for work, or worse, late for church – so what? These reasons do not concern you. The fact of the matter is, Passer wants to pass, so let them pass. As soon as you see them moving into the oncoming lane to pass you, take your foot off of the gas pedal to give them a fighting chance at passing you before an oncoming car comes and kills all of you. This is not a hill worth dying on. An invisible driver is one that is courteous enough to help another driver pass without questioning his motives or interfering with their commitment to pass you.
If you are a Passer, pass quickly, maybe even with a slight wave (see Wave, below) to acknowledge the Passee’s complicity, and get it done. After execution, a slight double-tap on the brake, which is light-speak for “thank you,” and you are on your way. They say it takes two to tango; it also takes two to make passing an effortless and safe procedure for all which, though it is not invisible, is a higher form of the art of driving.
If you happen to be one of the cars among the oncoming traffic and you see a car passing another car wherein Passer doesn’t look like he’s going to make it around in time due either to his own rash decisions or the hindrance of Passee as noted above, you have a quick assessment to make before a head-on collision occurs. I encourage you to remain calm. Technically, the road, though divided into two lanes, is wide enough for three cars if everyone keeps their cool. If the Passer is sober enough to understand the threat he has just put everyone in, then hopefully he is quick-witted enough to get everyone out of the predicament. For your part, move as far to the right as possible without endangering yourself. Hopefully the Passee is cognizant enough to pull as far to his right as possible and the Passer should – ideally – pass between you right through the middle. No harm, no foul. With any luck, you got the Passer’s make, model, and/or license plate and as soon as your heart rate drops back down, you can call the police (*47).
5. Stop lights #1. This is an important one. Red means stop, every 3-year-old knows that. But here’s where it gets tricky. Green means….. GO! In other words, if you are at a red stoplight, along with 5, 10, 20 other cars behind you, you are all waiting for one thing: the light to turn green. Yes, green. Why? Because the red light was an annoying necessity of fate to make you stop dead in your tracks. It was Murphy’s Law laughing at the fact that you were cruising along – 5 over preferably – on your artful journey and now you have to completely stop your routine and obey a law. Most red lights in my area last 15 seconds except in the city where they last considerably longer. This is 15 seconds of wasted time. I can usually take 15 seconds cursing the red light… and Murphy… but I know it will be over in 15 seconds. Then the light turns green, but for some reason I’m still sitting there. 20 seconds, still sitting there. 90% of the time this is due to one thing: the “driver” in the first car is on their phone or reading a book or engrossed in conversation with their passenger(s). The other 10% is, I’m guessing, the fact that “Green means Go,” hasn’t quite penetrated the grey matter of the toddler-equivalent driver in the first car. And sometimes it’s the second car that halts at this revelation. The first car takes off and car number two is still sitting there as if the red brake lights of car number one were still blazing away in the driver’s mind. This will not do. If you want to be invisible, when you come to a stoplight (red), keep your eye on the light, and will it to turn green. Simply be ready when it does. Note: be careful not to be too hasty or you will hit your gas pedal at larger intersections, upon seeing a left turn arrow turn green. Always embarrassing, and definitely not invisible.
6. Stop lights #2. As I mentioned previously, on the roads outside of the city in my area the red lights usually last 15 seconds. In fact, I have timed them in several neighboring counties, and they are all between 14-16 seconds. This is good to know because if I see a light turn red up ahead in the distance, I can simply adjust my speed to be at that light when the 15 seconds are up. Then I will not have to stop. Only once did Murphy catch on to that and the light was red for 17 seconds, which really annoyed me. So, get to know your lights, and they will be your friends. An invisible driver doesn’t come to a screeching halt just to take off again.
7. Blinkers. “Real men don’t use blinkers.” That’s like saying, “Real men don’t brush their teeth;” or, “Real men don’t say ‘I love you.’” Real men, if they are good drivers, do, in fact, use blinkers when it will tell another driver necessary information. If I see your brake lights and not your blinker, I’m really wondering what the heck you are doing. For all I know your foot slipped off the gas and onto your brake pedal. I’m thinking your pet ferret just got loose in your car and jumped into your lap. “Why the heck is this guy stopping in the middle of traffic??” I yell. Then the blinker comes on. “Oh, he’s turning.” You see? It really makes no sense whatsoever to turn your blinker on after you hit your brakes. It confuses everyone. Blinker, then brake. If anyone is behind you, turn your blinker on so they aren’t wondering what you are doing. If people have to wonder about what you are doing, you are not invisible.
Also, even if no one is behind you and you are turning left across traffic, turn on your blinker so the oncoming traffic knows your intentions. For all they know, you’ve lost control of your car, and they are preparing to slam their brakes to avoid a head-on collision. A blinker lets everyone else know that you know what you’re doing; that you have a plan and you are sticking with it. It is a courtesy, and yes, real men are courteous, but it lends itself to invisibility because when people know your intentions then they aren’t thinking anything else about you. They understand what you’re going to do, and they move on to their next thought.
The exception: a blinker is a courtesy to other drivers. If there aren’t any other drivers around you – before or behind – then a blinker is pointless. People who turn on their blinkers when there is no other traffic nearby are like people who wear masks while driving alone. It’s just habit, I suppose. Also, and this is just me, if I am in a lane designated as a turning lane only, I don’t use my blinker. For me it’s about the principle of the thing. The fact that it is a turning lane supersedes the use of my blinker. And I figure that a blinker bulb has a certain life expectancy which is depleted with every blink, so why use it when I don’t need to? It’s like your heart. They say the average heart beats 3,000,000,000 times in a lifetime. Now, I figure that if I do strenuous things like exercise, then I’ll be using up heartbeats like they’re going out of style and what exactly will I have to show for it? I’ll die weighing 165 pounds rather than 185? Rest assured, the world will be more distraught over losing a good driver than that driver weighing 185 pounds.
8. Headlights. In many newer cars this is a non sequitur because they make it so that one can not turn off their headlights even if they wanted to. I find this both annoying and an invasion of my right to choice. There are times when I like to drive in stealth mode. Nevertheless, there is a small contingent of drivers, probably young drivers, who habitually drive without their headlights on well into the evening. Now, you may think that this runs contrary to the whole idea of being invisible but, as you will see, it does not. Let me lay a few facts out first. One, most drivers on the road are not young. I would say the majority of drivers are over 30 – just a guess, though. When one turns 30, and even more so at 40, the eyes are not quite what they used to be. Especially at twilight. I think more pedestrians and animals get hit by cars around dusk than at any other time because the light is just so that it becomes difficult to see. Two, headlights are not just so you, the driver, can see what’s in front of you, they are also so other people – drivers and pedestrians – can see you. Another guess, most accidents occur when someone pulls out in front of someone else because they didn’t see them owing to the fact that the oncoming vehicle did not have their headlights on. And it was dusk. Believe me, once you hit someone with your car, you are no longer invisible. So, in an effort to be invisible, be sure to turn on your headlights any time near twilight.
9. Waving. This is the only major exception to invisibility and maybe it’s just a Southern thing, or a rural thing. When passing oncoming vehicles on two-lane roads it is nice to wave. It is like a courtesy bow in the old days. And I’m not talking about a frantic “howdy pardner” wave with limbs flailing around, but just a slight lifting of your finger off the steering wheel. It simply says, “Hey, you’re driving, I’m driving, going opposite directions but still moving together towards the Final Judgment.” Like a blinker, it is a courtesy, but just a bit more personal. It can blow your invisibility, but at the same time it can serve to enhance it because someone who gives you the finger wave is probably not someone you would have to worry about breaking into your house or stealing your identity because, well, they’re a nice person; friendly, thoughtful, trustworthy and I don’t need to give them a second thought. So, you see, sometimes the most invisible things are right in front of you as visible as a green light.
[i] The use of Him/Her, etc. The U.S. population is 51% female and 49% male. Whether there are more females or males who drive, I do not know, but it is probably pretty equal. As a rule, when I write “him,” I follow the historical and universal norm that “him” includes “her” as well, just as the term “mankind” includes woman-kind. The only place where “Him” does not include “Her” would be in reference to God/Lord, who plainly self-identified as “Him” throughout the Scriptures. That being said, I would assert that more aggressive drivers are, in all probability, males; where more “safety-conscious” drivers are, in all probability, female. But as you are free to make your own suppositions as you reflect on these scenarios, just know that any driver, male or female, can fit into any of these driving situations.
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